new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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