He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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