new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
