Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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