Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
