my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
