Non-Jews are for practice
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
