u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
