Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
