but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
