Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
