u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
