at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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