So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
