Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
