I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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