we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you will always have a special place in my vag
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
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