Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
don't judge my taste in strippers
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
