I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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