do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
