I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
