I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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