I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
