Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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