one might say we're banned from that church
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
