Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
