a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
