Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
