I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
