My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
