i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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