so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
