OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
