I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
