once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
