theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
