No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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