just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
