I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
