it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
