Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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