I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
