never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I understand Curling. That high.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
