she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
