i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
