arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
