I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
