if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm sobbing to NWA
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
