Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
