he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
