so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
