So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
