New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
