your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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