those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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