i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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