I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
