literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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